He still has crazy

I am sick and pathetic.

I have a cold and I feel ten times worse because I'm pregnant and sneezing makes me pee a little bit and I can't run for the tissues when I feel the snot coming and my back hurts times two because of baby pressure AND sickly aches. And Tallulah wants to cuddle, but then I sneeze and snot gets on her head.

And my husband's going to leave me.

Being sick always makes me suspect this because I realize how gross I am and why would anyone want to spend a lifetime with a snotty, sneezy, complain-y whiner? And then being pregnant makes me suspect this because I'm huge and complain-y and unable to do anything fun like drink too many White Russians and sing ridiculous versions of Bryan Adams songs at karaoke.

So I spend a lot of time moping around the house giving my husband sad eyes because any minute now he'll start packing his stuff even though I tell him it'll make him a bad person when he leaves me for a younger, hotter, non-pregnant, non-sickly, non-insane woman. And I'll be fine because I'll form an undefineable friendship with a middle aged woman and solve crime and learn horticulture and he'll still be a bad person for leaving me. (I rented the BBC series Rosemary and Thyme which is basically a British 'Murder She Wrote' with two middle aged women who run a horticulture business and oh, just happen to solve murders. Its sweet and charming, but I may be a little impressionable right now.)

And he, when he notices my mopey expression or my teary eyes, says, "I'm not going to leave you for being pregnant and sick." Which is smart because it reminds me that these things are not permanent and my feelings are just a response to hormones and illness. Also, it doesn't rope him into too big of a promise. Because notice he doesn't say, "I won't leave you for being crazy."