Breakdancing Baby

Last night I was lying in bed feeling Moxie's afterhours dance of joy. She likes to wait until I actually turn out the light and get comfortable before starting this dance. First she starts with a little kick, kick. Then she adds a kick, kick, punch. Then its punch, wriggle wriggle, two foot kick! and a flutter. Sometimes she spins around on her head so she can face the back of me and do her choreography all over again.

She's my in utero breakdancer.

Anyway, last night I'm feeling her dance and smiling to myself when all of a sudden one of her kicks ends up in a sharp pain in my abdomen and complete stillness from her. Panicked, I get up on my hands and knees in the dark and massage the place that hurts. Did she kick the placenta? Get her foot stuck in an abdominal mucle fold? Tangle herself in her cord?

I'm totally freaking out for two reasons.

Reason #1: Tallulah never moved this much. She was completely happy just cuddling up inside me and every now and then stretching out a foot or arm in a languid, isn't this the life? type movement. At the time I worried about feeling enough movement, but every day at some point, she would stretch out so I could feel it as though to say, Still here!

Reason #2: In another lifetime I was a labor and delivery nurse and one of the worst things that happened was full term cord accidents. Ok, don't panic like me-- they are very rare. But I did see one-- the mom had been scheduled for an induction two days later, but wasn't feeling the baby move so she stopped in to the hospital to get checked out and...no baby. Of course, I also saw babies with ridiculous multiple knots in their cords deliver perfectly and healthily, but still. Its that one cord accident baby I see every time Moxie's dance number ends in complete stillness.

Because there is nothing you can do about it. I mean, I know my placenta is fat and healthy because I eat right, take my vitamins, and have good iron levels. And I continue to do all those good things so baby is getting what she needs. Also, I exercise-- sometimes-- so I know there's good oxygen flow and circulation. My midwife monitors me for my blood pressure and my sugar levels-- if things were off, I could change my diet or adapt somehow to make life optimal for Moxie. But a cord accident?

I have no control over where her breakdancing leads her. I suppose I could take this as a life lesson on the limitations of what I as her mother can protect her from, but I don't. Every night I lie in bed and feel her dance; reassured and fearful.