Escapism, fun for the whole family

I've been watching movies relentlessly, using breastfeeding as an excuse. I felt guilty about it-- why do I need to escape into movies? why can't I enjoy my new baby and growing family? But my head, my emotions, my nerves-- everything is just over-full right now.

And then I noticed that I wasn't the only one. Kent, the day Moxie was born, decided to clear an overgrown area of our yard. Immediately. We live in Florida and the overgrowth is made up of years, maybe decades, of pepper tree shoots and potato vines. If you've never had the joy of battling these things, let me fill you in: pepper trees cannot be killed and they grow at the speed of sound. So as fast as you can say, "I cut that pepper tree DOWN!" it's already grown back. And potato vines are the glue that hold Florida together. If you pull them long enough, you will actually detach florida from the rest of the united states. We have been battling this area for the six years we've lived at our house. But Kent has found new purpose in the battle. Can't stop the baby crying, but dammit, I can cut the shit out of those pepper trees. And to his credit, he is making amazing progress.

Tallulah is getting into the escapist game, too. Kent and I, a few months ago, watched a couple episodes of Big Love, the polygamy Mormon show. We didn't stick with the show, but it caused quite a few conversation beginning with "if we added another wife/husband from the people we know, who would you want it to be?"

I know you know these conversations. When you're dating, the conversation is "If we had a threesome..." then when you're newleyweds, it's "if money were no object, what kind of house would you want?" I imagine in another decade or so it'll be, "when the kids move out/go to college..."

But Tallulah is getting into it at age four. She's been starting conversations with, "if I had two mommies, I would want them to be..." Or, "If I had three mommies and two daddies..." No, she's not planning adoption by lesbians. She's choosing the adults in her life who would make better parents than us. Or, to be fair, she's imagining what her life would be in other families. Which is not quite the same as telling us our friends are better parents. I think it's just the same escapism Kent and I are experiencing. Because adjusting to life with a baby is difficult and we're all feeling the effects. Not just that we have a new baby who cries a lot and has more needs than the rest of us put together. What none of us realized is that our family of three has to crumble apart like an overcooked cookie before we can build it back up into a family of four. Everything is different now. Our bedtime routines, our hanging out time, the way we communicate with each other-- EVERYTHING. It's disorienting and hard and overwhelming and the only thing any of us can do is watch movies, attack pepper trees, and imagine life in another family.

The only one who isn't mentally escaping from our new circus of four is Moxie. She is alert to any sign of dissatisfaction. "I'm sorry, were you going to put me down?" she says. "I DON"T THINK SO!!!! "

Speaking of....gotta go.